The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
