remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
