and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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