I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
