she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
