so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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