you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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