I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
