I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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