I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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