and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize