I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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