So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
