i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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