WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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