What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
