Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
