We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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