New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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