if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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