My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
