Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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