bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
