Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
