I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This is the high leading the old right now
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
