You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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