Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My balls are so social today.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
