im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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