allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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