So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
