I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
