and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
