ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
