Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
vagina is talking i cant
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
