she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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