And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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