I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
