And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
