Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just gargled with NyQuil
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
