$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
