she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
