Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
