What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
