Where did you get a picture of my penis
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was not drunk enough for that final.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
