I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
