I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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