I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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