The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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