your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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