These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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