shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
