i permit you to call me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
