can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
