he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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