Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
