so explain again why im purple
no
i think my mom watched the whole time
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
