I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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