guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
