38 yer olds are good kisserssss
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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