Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
