And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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