why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
