so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
