how can u be prego again
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
