I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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