I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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