sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
