I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
