Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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