You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
