I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
